Colonel O'Neill And The Three Tau'ri
by Amarin Rose
Summary: Pairing: Jack–Daniel Summary: They are alone on another planet...and unfortunately, Daniel's allergies are acting up. While Jack might like to call him Sneezy, since Carter is Doc, and Teal'c Grumpy, and Jack isn't Bashful or Sleepy, that only leaves...


**Colonel O'Neill And The Three Tau'ri**

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The day was beautiful. The sun was shining, there were only a few puffy white clouds – the type that made one want to lie on one's back and try to make shapes out of whilst enjoying the warm summer's day – in the sky, the P7-X77 equivalent of birds were singing…

…and Daniel Jackson was sneezing his head off, his allergies acting up from the pollen the trees, bushes, flowers, grass…plants of all kinds were putting out.

Sighing, Jack reached into his vest pocket and retrieved yet another Kleenex. _At this rate, I'll run out before the first day is done,_ he thought grimly. Sticking the shred of fluffy white paper under his lover's nose with one hand, he used his other to pluck the soggy, mucus-filled used one out of Daniel's trembling grasp. "You doin' okay, Danny?" he asked, thought it was patently obvious the linguist wasn't.

Daniel snorted and gave him a look that questioned his intelligence. "Oh, no, Jack, I'm fine," he groused, voice nasal with stopped up mucus. "I always sneeze when I'm in perfect health." His glare's effectiveness was not impeded one iota by his red-rimmed eyes, fever-flushed cheeks, stuffy nose, pale face, and clammy skin.

"Just wanted to make sure you could handle it – you're shaking like a leaf, Danny." Jack gestured to the minute chills that were vibrating through the other man's frame.

"I know," Daniel said, though with his chest and head congestion it came out sounding more like, "I doe." Accepting the offered tissue with a smile of thanks, he proceeded to blow his nose long and loud. He ended up making a sound like that of a dying goose. A dying goose who'd swallowed a kazoo. "But the Benadryl will be kicking in soon and hopefully, I'll be able to finish my translations," he said, sounding much less stuffed up now that he'd relieve his nose of its encumbrance of mucus.

The packet of extra-strength menthol throat lozenges was offered just as quietly and accepted with equal aplomb. Daniel down two of them and proceeded to suck the life – and throat-soothing properties – out of them as if his life depended on it.

Well, at least his health…

"I hope so," Jack said. "If you don't get some quality time in with your rocks, you'll never let me hear the end of it," he teased.

Rolling his eyes, Daniel dutifully added his part of the years-old argument, "Artifacts, Jack. Not rocks," before striding off towards the base camp.

Sighing as he watched his lover pick his way across the rocky ground, Jack could only grumbled under his breath, "What a way to spend an anniversary. Stuck on an alien planet with my lover – and without Carter and Teal'c along, so we **could **be having sex, but Daniel's too uptight about mission propriety – who is not only bound and determined to decipher ancient Celtic runes and ruins, but also is suffering from sneezing fits and seeping sinuses." From across the tundra, three sneezes in quick succession reached his ears.

Shaking his head in sympathy for his lover, Jack mused, "Might as well start calling the poor guy Sneezy if this keeps up." A thought popped into his head and he chuckled under his breath. "Carter could be Doc and Teal'c could be Grump…" His voice trailed off as he suddenly realized which Dwarf that would most likely leave him with – seeing as how he was neither Bashful, nor overly Happy, and had never needed much sleep – and closed his mouth before finishing his spoken thoughts.

Grumbling under his breath about, "I hate having a subconscious with an attitude," Colonel Jack 'Dopey' O'Neill proceeded to follow in his lover's footsteps back to base camp, hoping there were still some apples left.

Although, considering his luck of late, they'd probably be poisoned.

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THE END


End file.
